Navigating Difficult Conversations: A Poker Game Beyond Cards
A Shift in Social Dynamics
Dear Eric,
The onset of the pandemic prompted me to reconnect with childhood friends through online poker. We’ve always been scattered in different cities, relishing our annual reunions. However, now we engage weekly over cards and conversation. Yet recently, I’ve become aware of some unsettling comments from one of my friends.
Confronting Disparaging Views
Occasionally, he makes remarks that can reflect an underlying disdain for immigrants of color (we’re all white). While I often interject to steer the conversation elsewhere, our last virtual game took a serious turn. He blatantly stated his discomfort with “the influx of brown people into the country.” Once the game wrapped up, I excused myself abruptly.
If someone sought my advice on this issue, I’d recommend expressing how offensive these views are. However, considering we’re in our 60s and might have deeply entrenched perspectives at this stage—I’m hesitant about whether addressing his attitude would lead anywhere productive.
The Dilemma: Speak Up or Disconnect?
Given that these friendships have deep roots spanning decades, cutting ties seems extreme. Yet I cannot ignore what was said or condone such beliefs passively. Should I address him directly? Or is it time to distance myself? I expect I’ll receive criticism for not tackling this earlier.
Finding Your Voice
Are there successful case studies of individuals in their 60s overcoming racist beliefs?
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Transforming Minds: Can Individuals in Their 60s Overcome Racist Beliefs?
Understanding Racist Beliefs in Older Adults
Racism can manifest in various forms, often stemming from generational beliefs and societal conditioning. Individuals in their 60s grew up in a time when discriminatory practices were prevalent, which can contribute to the persistence of racist beliefs. To understand how to transform these views, it’s important to explore the roots of racism and how they can be challenged.
The Roots of Racism
Racist beliefs are often deeply ingrained due to numerous factors, including:
- Historical Context: Individuals in their 60s may have been raised during a period when racial segregation was legally sanctioned.
- Cultural Influences: Media, education, and community values can perpetuate stereotypes and racism.
Dear Poker Face,
It seems you envision a more vocal version of me who’s quite judgmental! Fortunately, it’s not solely about external opinions; it’s about your circumstances and how you choose to handle them (though calling entire groups “brown people” is an incredibly sweeping generalization).
I do believe it’s crucial for you to address your friend’s comments privately. You mention he’s set in his ways due to age; however, you’re also at that mature phase—does that mean enlightenment isn’t possible anymore? Certainly not!
By opting for silence thus far, you’ve inadvertently created an environment where those troubling views may seem accepted—not just by him but among all participants as well. This silence can come off as acquiescence.
Inviting Reflection Through Dialogue
The concept of “calling someone in” comes into play here—a compassionate invitation towards dialogue aimed at understanding and reconciliation rather than outright confrontation. It allows you to express concern over sentiments contrary to your values without placing immediate blame.
His perspective may not shift overnight or ever; nonetheless, clarity on what friendship means moving forward will be essential if he hopes to remain part of your circle—he must bring more than skewed perceptions into your time together at the poker table.
(Feel free to send queries my way via eric@askingeric.com or P.O Box 22474 Philadelphia PA 19110. Follow along on Instagram and subscribe for updates at rericthomas.com.)
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