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OJ Simpson Steals Cookies

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OJ Simpson Steals Cookies, The National Enquirer’s Patricia Shipp (h/t Daily Mail, Black Sports Online) reports the former NFL superstar turned movie star turned murder trial suspect has been caught stealing cookies:

The former grid­iron great was recently caught stealing sweets from the cafeteria of the Nevada prison where he’s serving a 33-year sentence for armed robbery. Guards noticed that the 66-year-old seemed to be hiding some­thing in his clothes after lunch and seized more than a dozen oatmeal cookies from the would-be smuggler, a close source told The ENQUIRER.

Now let’s take this story with a healthy grain of salt, because it stems from a National Enquirer report that is entitled “Ticking Time Bomb OJ’s Forbidden Food Orgy.” (How can you not read that?)

If we are splitting hairs, Simpson was hardly engaged in a food orgy. It was more of a food cuddle session, because he was allegedly caught with about a dozen oatmeal cookies.

Because this story is as much about failed food heists as it is about anything, we have to say stealing oatmeal cookies—the Jacksonville Jaguars of cookies—has to be near the bottom of the barrel.

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